Blue - May 28, 2023

[note: this was written during a writing exercise: we had 20 minutes to write something inspired by the word "blue". This is the result, unedited, exactly as it appeared when time ran out. You can read all of them in the waves category]]

Blue - Squiddy Geiger - May 28, 2012

The inspector was growing tired of the interviews. It was always the same incomprehensible gibberish. They'd brought him in to solve a multiple homicide - well, that's what they called it, even though the victims weren't human. He scratched his head, hoping he'd interpreted things properly.

The witnesses and the suspect spoke English, sort of, but they kept substituting a strange word in place of so many things. He was told this was just how it was, and you had to go by context to see what they really meant. After 12 hours of this, his brain hurt. It was time to question the suspect, so he tossed out the cold coffee in his mug, got some fresh coffee, and entered the interrogation room.

He turned on the recorder. "This is Inspector Williams, in interrogation room 1. Please state your name for the record."

The diminutive blue suspect looked up at him, and stated "My smurf is Dopey Smurf.."

The Inspector sighed, then started with, "You are a suspect in the killing of 15 of your fellow Smurfs, er... Dopey. What do you have to say about this?"

Dopey shook his head. "I didn't smurf anyone! I didn't!"

"We have witnesses who say you did. They picked you out of a lineup, and positively identified you." He pointed to pictures of the deceased. "You were found with their blood on your hands. Are you denying you did this?"

Dopey looked at the pictures, then up at the Inspector. "Oh, you mean this. Of course I smurfing smurfed them, the smurfs! You would have too in my shoes. Smurf at me, I'm Dopey Smurf. There are how many male Smurfs and how many females? I'm a smurf, dammit. 83 years old and I've never smurfed anyone. Why? because getting to smurf Smurfette goes by seniority and popularity, and just how smurfing popular do you smurfing think I am? One smurfing girl Smurf for all of us boy Smurfs? Yes I know there's also Sassette Smurf and Nanny Smurf but they have each other, so there's only Smurfette for the boy Smurfs, and I'd smurfing had enough of this smurf! So yes, I smurfed them! All of them. I though maybe if I cut the line down a bit, I'd have a smurfing chance of ending my smurfity! And I'd smurfing do it again. I mean, have you seen how smurfing hot Smurfette is?!"

The Inspector sighed, and shut off the recorder. That was obviously a confession but nobody would understand what the smurfing little smurf had said. "Oh god, now i'm thinking like you, you little smurf. Get up. You're under arrest for the murders of fifteen of your fellow Smurfs."

When he finally got home, he turned on the news to see that Teddy Ruxpin had finally been exorcised.

Posted by Squiddy at May 28, 2012 08:45 PM | TrackBack